Fariha Afsar
There was a boy. Different from the supposedly “normal” category of people. He was being called stupid. His classmates bullied him. Yet he stood strong against the odds. Because he wasn’t bothered.
He had no father, so the contributions in his life were mainly because of his mother. She encouraged him to do his best, assured him that he was not weird. No matter what others said, his mother became his anchor from his childhood.
He perceived the world in the light of positivity and hope [because of the mother’s influence]. Although he wasn’t good at studies, he became remarkable in sports. He joined the army. Didn’t fight well but saved many injured soldiers. Became the recipient of the Medal of Honour.
Wherever he went, whatever he did, he became an epitome of it. The world became his fan, yet some people still thought he was stupid; they ridiculed him, laughed at him, but he didn’t care, as he was unaware that they were ironically mocking him. To him, there was no difference between a normal remark and a sarcastic one.
He fulfilled his every promise, despite his deformity. He saw beauty in everything. Even in the middle of the war, he appreciated nature, and beauty. He took every opportunity thrown at his way.
The most important thing to note is that he was influenced in this way by his mother; positive, hopeful, courageous, in spite of his mental weaknesses. Just because he was retarded, didn’t let her mother give up hope on him. [This chunk of story is taken from a movie, which I love.] But movies depict real life too, don’t they?
What struck me about this movie? Well, we walk in the footsteps of our elders. Especially our parents. We also absorb their each and every word, and without knowing, it contorts our lives. Sometimes in a nice way, and the rest of the time in a not-so-nice way.
It doesn’t mean that if a guy turns into a murderer, it implies his parents had asked him to be like that. No……. No parents want their kids to be immoral; a threat to society. But parents try to mend their children by criticising. By comparison. Their underlying intention or belief might be good; they think that by getting critical, they can make their children realise that they need to work hard; be responsible, or studious. Or obedient. Or whatever they hope for. Whatever they wish for. Whatever their ideal kids look like.
Thus, they mould the real ones into the ideal, by pouring negative stuff into their tiny heads. No matter how remarkable they get on a test, the parents’ first question would always be “who got the highest marks?” Or “who came first?” And on and on the comparison goes.
I was crossing a bridge the other day. The river had been horrific. I had never liked the water much, forget about the river, which had always been a haunting sight for me. While crossing, I didn’t want to hear its horrible sound, nor did I want to witness its sight, but there was no other option except to face it.
It took me a minute or two to cross, but the whole time, I felt dizzy. As if I was going to fall. Macabre thoughts crawled into me. Would I be able to swim, if I slip? How long would it take me to take the last breath? And on and on went the thoughts, until I reached the end of the bridge.
Ah! How glad I felt, and grateful too. I realised that so many times I had been sceptical about life; how it had been unfair and disappointing. How sometimes, I wanted to disappear from the world. Yet still, I chose life above all the negativity. I found hope in the hopeless situations.
You must be screaming where am I going with all these intermixed sentences? Obviously [no way, it’s not an obvious hint, God….it’s a jigsaw puzzle), I am trying to refer to the increasing suicide rates happening in Chitral. Every year, a profound rise! I know that there are many reasons for that, so many that we might not be able to count. But why would a person commit suicide if they have at least one person in their life to look up to? Are we really sure that we would have the backs of our families in times of our hardest turmoil? Forget about the world, society or the people in our neighbourhood. They would raise their fingers and eyes, they would try their best to find a gossip to spread it like a fire among the wider throng, but what about the families and especially parents? Would they be there, when the whole world would go against us?
Hmmm…… for the very few it’s a “yes” and for the many, it’s a “NO”, a silent one, a terrified one, as if admitting this out loud would plummet their world.
What’s the next part? Well, it’s clear, isn’t it? They failed in the exam, for instance. They come home, feeling like a failure, never knowing that failure is a moment not a person. The very first person who raises their finger, or voice, or sometimes their hands too, at the already broken ones are their own dear parents or a parent or a dear family member. They make them feel so deteriorated and guilty that the innocent beings, don’t get to see any hope for their futures. They only see a tunnel of darkness, which is suffocating. They see their lives being destroyed, just because of failing a paper in the exam? From the parents’ lack of support and extreme criticism, yes. It does look like the destruction of their lives, sadly. But in reality, it’s not the END OF THEIR WORLD!
What’s next? The little beings end their miserable lives like that by plunging themselves into the river. That’s it. The end of the story.
We usually blame society, people from our vicinity for being harsh towards us, for laughing at us, for hurting us, but do you really believe that it’s true? Is it other people or is it our loved ones, who are at the forefront of our mental retardation? The lack of confidence we develop, the self-doubts we create, the negative talks we have with ourselves, is it because of the people in our neighbourhood or the ones under the roof of our own houses?
I am not trying to make you against the ones whom you love, but our parents, in their attempt to make our lives better, get too strict and sensitive that they don’t even realise that this super strict act of theirs is slowly pushing us down, instead of pulling us up! Their intense love causes harm, as a result. It is such a disappointment to see that the people who love us the most are the ones who, unintentionally, misunderstand us the most. SIGH! Somewhere a quote went like, “parents make their children’s life so hard by trying to make it so easy”.
A simple request for the parents. If you can’t simply install positivity, hope and strength into your children, then DO NOT force negativity and hopelessness. You’ve no right to ruin their innocence or snatch their childhood. If you want ideal kids, then be the IDEAL parents first!