Rakhshinda Shakir
Marriage has been part of human history since antiquity. Every part of the world has its own traditions and celebrations revolving around it; hence Chitral is no exception. The concept of love marriage is yet to be openly a culture in Chitral but even the way marriages are arranged and values attached to it is incredible.
The concept of dowry
I personally am not in the favor of dowry but that does not stop me from pondering over things happening wide open. Like other parts of Pakistan, marriages in Chitral also have the concept of dowry but different in nature. For the rest of Pakistan, it is the women who have to bear all the expenses of dowry while in Chitrali culture it is not the compulsion.
Being a woman from Chitral and experiencing marriage celebrations very close I would not even call it a dowry. In Chitral, after marriages are fixed it is from the groom’s side an amount or other gifts are sent to the bride’s family as a gratitude for accepting their offer of marriage.
A highly mistaken view of this celebration roams around in different cultures. People call this selling daughters for a fixed amount, but that has nothing to do with reality. Being thankful and honoring the initiative of a new relationship in the form of a gift is not a dowry and that too all with your will. If marriage is a celebration, it should not be a burden at the same time.
The culture of objectifying women is not cherished, fortunately!
Like it happens in most parts of Pakistan, where the groom with his parents comes to see the woman and then decides if he wants to go for the marriage or not, I find this problematic. As a woman, I would find it an insult with my being, allowing a man to come to see and judge my features, and then decide if I am worthy of his love. This is sheer objectification.
But in Chitali culture nothing like this exists. Marriage in Chitral means the connection of two families rather. There are numerous marriages where the bride and groom have never met each other, never seen each other. After the marriage is fixed, pictures are sent to each other, and phone numbers are exchanged.
Strange, isn’t it? The magic is that those marriages are successful at the end of the day.
Trend is changing but even engagement ceremony is without groom
Chitral is home to traditions and old practices. For example, engagement ceremonies are mostly without the groom. You might be thinking who then presents her the ring? It is his mother:). For new generations and people reading from other cultures, this might seem nonsense, but happiness and celebrations are feelings. They can be felt in different ways. Celebrations don’t necessarily have to be the same way everywhere. Perhaps, these little differences shape diversity. Cheers!!
The bride does her own makeup or it is the sister’s job well done
Would it be an exaggeration if I say: “ Chitrali women are naturally beautiful, thus need no makeup”. Or if I tell you, our brides get ready without having to consult a parlor; would you believe me? It is not just about the bride but so does the groom. He hardly wears moisturizing cream I guess.
Since Chitral is full of nature, perhaps that is why their marriages are simple and natural too. Once a photo of Nimal Khawar on her marriage went so viral for doing her own makeup, everyone was so inspired suddenly, but this is the story of every other bride getting married in Chitral.
Marriage has been part of human history since the antiquity. Every part of the world has its own traditions and celebrations revolving around it; hence Chitral is no exception. The concept of love marriage is yet to be openly a culture in Chitral, but even the way marriages have arranged the values attached to it is incredible.