Chitral Today articles

Understanding a situation key to fix it

Fariha Afsar

Understanding is the key to patching every situation. So the story goes like this. My youngest sister didn’t have an interest in her studies. No matter how much we tried, she would always end up getting low grades on exams.

The most unhappy among us was my father; he would always ask me or anyone else to teach her, but all our “not good enough” attempts were in vain.  I had known patience and tolerance just by name, and barely had I implemented them.

The same was the situation when I was teaching my sister. I would scold her and get angry at her simple mistakes. I wanted her to be the epitome of perfection on her first go. I would always consider myself some kind of giant who had been assigned the responsibility of rectifying the world and punishing those who do not obey. Which is why my poor sister would cry when I would get angry, and sometimes I would cry too, like a lunatic, when things do not turn according to my way. Finally, I lost faith in her, and I declared that she was a failure.

One day my father went to her school to collect her 6th-grade results. When he reached home, it was clear that the waves of despair were becoming a burden on his shoulders, which was caused by my sister’s deteriorating results. He, for the last time, asked me to teach her, which I obliged as a final try. My sister was feeling humiliated, too, which was a complete shocker for me. She literally brought her books to me and asked me to teach her, which was a sight you could witness only once. The rest of the days, I had to compel her.         

I took a huge sigh and decided to change my teaching style. I would not burden her by teaching long paragraphs, and I would not act like an authoritative being; instead, I would appreciate her for making a little bit of effort. I also changed my behaviour outside of our teaching and learning domain. In my free time, I would converse with her about her school, her daily routine, likes, dislikes, ambitions etc. These were the things which I had never done before. I found many precious habits in her. She is the most down-to-earth being. She would always feel the pain of others and would like to console them. There were so many other gem-like qualities in her which brought tears to my eyes, and I blamed myself for being so sloppy towards her.       

These steps developed a friendship bond between us. Now, she is making huge developments, not just academically but morally as well. I got successful in making her understand the value of education. Once you know the taste of learning, which is the sweetest, of course, you don’t need to push a person to pursue it. That person will embark on its path willingly. She has now adopted a love for education and learning. She asked questions about science and other things, which sometimes put me in great confusion to answer her.

All things said, it’s clear that we cannot make things better by being harsh or ignorant. To make a change, first, we need to know it from the depth. If I had taught her like the past, she still would not have opened herself to me. The problem partly lies with us. If you need to help someone, then try to look at the situation closely. The answer would be crystal clear to you.

3 Replies to “Understanding a situation key to fix it”

  1. It was a great piece of writing, specially about understanding of situations. Most of the time we try to solve the problem without diagnosing it. In this particular case you understand the problem and solve it well .

  2. “The most beautiful things are those that madness prompts and reason writes.”
    Far ma zhan I love the way you articulated this topic.✨✨

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